Chair Chat No.12 with Rudy and Klaus: A Bony Chair With Fat Legs

Editor’s note: Leg day at the gym a heated topic but you can also overdo it, as this chair shows us. We also wonder if Veritas used to sell a giant tenon cutter in the distant past.

Please beware that salty talk follows. To reduce its negative effects we found a nice recipe of strawberry tea with lots of honey. Click more to read more….

Klaus: Alright, homies. Did you bring any chairs to this party of inbreds?

Rudy: Yes, dear.

Chris: Shall we start with the pretty one?

Klaus: Which one is the pretty one?

Chris: We can do this one:

Chris: Wow. What Big Holes you have. Look at those mortises!

Klaus: Yes, my child, they are for inserting things in.

Chris: That is a man-sized tenon.

Rudy: Perhaps the maker was a porn star?

Chris: Or his nickname was Baby Fist.

Rudy and Klaus: Hahaha! Oh dear…

Chris: It started so well!

Rudy: We are already going very much downhill.

Klaus: This went south so quickly. By the way there’s a fifth tenon.

Chris : You’re right. A plug. So it was a three-legger. Converted to four when the family finally got linoleum floors.

Rudy: Yes. Or the leg broke off.

Klaus: That could very well be. And then the father got scoliosis and they had to raise the arm on the side of the chair.

Chris : Maybe. So I’m gonna say it. Those legs are too thick for my eye.

Klaus: But are they too thick for your… Never mind.

Rudy: Yup, me too. that’s the first thing that I noticed when I saw this chair. Big black sausages.

Klaus: Yes, they are way too chunky

Chris : The front legs. The newer legs are probably OK.

Rudy: The 3rd leg would have been fat as well, judging from the big leftover tenon.

Chris: It might have looked better with three legs.

Klaus: I was just about to say it would look a lot better with just three legs. But this was perhaps just a stool before, and they upgraded the whole thing.

Rudy: You mean that they added the sticks and arm later?

Chris: What makes you think that??

Klaus: I don’t know!! Can’t a man just assume things here?!

Chris: Not a Chair Chat Man. We only make baseless accusations. Not assumptions.

Rudy: I like the shape of the seat. And the seat’s underbevel.

Chris: Above the seat the chair is better for sure.

Klaus: The seat seems to be one piece, yes?

Chris : The arm and back are fairly well shaped and cleverly put together.

Rudy: quite a charming view from here. Of course you can’t really see the front legs in all their fat glory.

Chris : Yup. The arm construction reminds me of bones for some reason. Might be the shapes at the ends.

Klaus: Yup.

Rudy: I keep wanting to call this thing bony too. Bony with fat legs.

Klaus: Some of the front sticks are protruding below the seat, too.

Rudy: Yes! Quite far even. And it looks like the seat was damaged right around the front sticks.

Klaus: Yes, it looks like those two protruding sticks split the seat. And I wonder why some of them are so close to the edge.

Chris: Probably a small seat. So you have to push out to the edge.

Klaus: They definitely split the seat there. The seat itself is very straight grained and would split easily, I think.

Rudy: The split at the front left goes all the way to the front leg mortise.

Chris: Look at the rearmost stick in the arm. Is it blind into the arm?

Klaus : Definitely looks like that, Chris.

Chris: That’s Odd.

Rudy: I think I see a wedge…?

Klaus: There also seems to be a short stick connecting the arms there?

Chris: Nope. I am seeing things wrong! There are three arm sticks. I had it confused. There’s definitely a short stick joining the arms. Perhaps a hint of a wedge from below if you look at the far arm.

Klaus: Yeah. If I made this chair I would leave out the rearmost stick and instead mortise one stick through the joint of the arms and into the seat.

Rudy: Yes, that would be a stronger solution than this I think.

Chris: That was my first thought.

Rudy: Then yet, it is an old chair…

Chris: Always respect a survivor.

Chris: I suspect the backrest is a curved branch. Look at where the back joins the arm. The one at the back. Not the front. Then look below. Little nubbin sticking out.

Rudy: Yes, if you zoom in you can see a small wedge at the bottom.

Klaus: Ah yes.

Rudy: Or maybe it is a small piece of a turd.

Klaus: I was waiting for that one!

Rudy: I like the small carved part on the back of the arm, where it meets the back rest.

Chris: Whoever made this had some sense of style.

Klaus: Definitely. I must say I like this kind of arm construction. I would like to try it once.

Chris: I made three chairs like this and couldn’t them to come out right. Only one survived…. I have it in the basement.

Klaus: Oh really? Can I see some photos of them some time?

Chris: They looked weird.

Rudy: What was the issue? The dowel joint?

Klaus: He uses pocket holes, Rudy!

Rudy: Right. Sorry!

Chris: Wait until you see the framing nailer I used to assemble my chairs.

Rudy: That will be covered in your next blog post right?

Chris: I can’t show ALL my dirty laundry!

Chris: It was me, not the idea. I just couldn’t get the feel for how it should look. It’s trickier than a comb back. Most end up looking like a box up top. This one has some grace.

Rudy: ignoring the fat legs it does have some style, this one.

Klaus: it does have some grace

Chris: Straight on, this chair looks like ass. Pure ass.

Rudy and Klaus: Hahaha!

Rudy: Well then I suppose I am an assman.

Klaus: Pure ass can be pretty good, Chris

Chris: As long as it’s really pure. Not like that time in the gas station.

Klaus: What was that?

Chris: Nothing.

Rudy: Nevermind.

Klaus: OK, let’s leave that behind.

Rudy: Haha, good one Klaus.

Klaus: Anyway,  what happened to the arm? Why is it wonky?

Chris: What’s wonky?

Klaus: I mean how does one end up with an arm like that? It’s higher up on one side.

Rudy: I think the maker did his best to make it pretty. Maybe it was a branch that was slightly misformed?

Klaus: Haha.

Chris: Is it because the sticks descended?

Klaus: No, they descend on the higher side… Such things just make me curious. I mean, he obviously had an eye for detail (except for the legs).

Chris: I think the maker was working with the sticks at hand.

Klaus: And then suddenly the arm goes to hell and he’s like.. well, that’s it! Done!

Chris: I honestly didn’t think it was wonky. I just assumed it was what he/she had on hand.

Klaus: Huh. He probably didn’t have a saw.

Rudy: The two arms look in balance, the back is a nice rounded shape – what’s not to like!

Chris: The legs.

Klaus: The legs!

Rudy: True. Next chair!